it’s hard to tell people
out of the blue
how much they mean to you
like
how much they really mean
~
really:
you have an eye for all things extremely beautiful
and a little bit broken
so i’m surprised
humbled
blessed
impressed that you found me
(the complete opposite)
really:
you’re more of a friend to me
than i will ever
be able to express
or reciprocate
really:
ur rad as heck
the next bus doesn’t
come for another half hour.
i’d be late to work
all i have to do
is strategize a pathway
and try not to die
i see the bus. it’s
coming around the corner.
it’s now or never
~
everything hurts
i shouldn’t have left the house
life: 1. me: 0.
for the first time i am on the outside
i wish you success, but in the way
people say empty words
just so that you can feel the hollow
thud!
positivity was my key — but now
the key’s broken and the door has moved
and the house is not even mine.
what use is a virtue in a sea
of vice?
i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired i’m tired
i didn’t ask for this i didn’t ask for this
i didn’t ask for this i didn’t ask for this
i’m
sorry….
I did.
I went through 6 years, all hidden in shelves and drawers
boxes sneakily slid underneath the bed
notes pressed between alphabetised books
Honestly, I never really kept anything out in the open.
I threw away high school today. Everything
worksheets, tests, hall passes, translations, syllabi, cheat sheets, poems, letters, essays, post-its, binders, study guides, grade reports, rubrics
homework I never got around to turning in,
folders I doodled on like it would come to life and educate me itself,
pens that had burst and stained my jeans,
paper with ragged edges, notebooks with missing backs, and highlighters that did nothing more than draw neon-colored attention to the 6 years I spent in preparation for right now
I threw away high school today. And
I’d like to say I got rid of it all.
Well, everything except for the
late nights, early mornings, heartbreak, headaches, disappointment,
and the ever-constant feeling that I never achieved everything that I set out to achieve,
the jealousy that comes from comparing yourself to others.
I threw away high school today. I managed to hold on to
my best friend’s locker combination, to the quickest route from the 3rd floor to the dining hall, what the inside of detention looked like, the feeling after finishing my first ever orchestra performance, after-school conversations in the bathroom with people i would have never met if not by serendipitous chance
These are the things that don’t linger in scraps and college-ruled notebook paper.
In throwing away the things that I could, I made the conscious effort to live in today.
I threw away high school. Yes,
the last 6 years happened. Nothing will change that. And yes,
another 6 years will come by before I can ever try to stop it
But today is what matters the most
No, I don’t want to forget.
Trust me, all I want to do is remember
Just not today.
dog with a blog 